Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
