YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
