Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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