I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
