I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
