just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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