I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
