I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
