Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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