On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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