Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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