Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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