he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
