I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
