when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂