My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious