sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
