You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about