No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
