There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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