I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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