At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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