for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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