from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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