i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
