I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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