I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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