I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
