I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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