i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
