12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
