hotel room ftw
i jhust puked up my retainher.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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