sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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