Pants 0. Shit 1.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
