I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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