When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
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