Only a mothe r could love this liver
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
