she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
