Screwed.edu
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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