Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
