Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
