When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..