i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again