so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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