I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
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What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
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I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."