My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We had to coat check the pizza.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
