i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.