Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize