i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
