Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.