yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.