You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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