Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Randomize
