nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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