dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
