HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
