CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
