fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Define "chronic" masturbator.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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