We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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