I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sorry about my life...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Pants are for mortals
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
