All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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