Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
