why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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