hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
