I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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