is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
