His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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