It's like a parade of train wrecks.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
