She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
