Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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