Will you blow on my dice?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We left an ass print on the piano.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize